prefer to think of them as the Ten Suggestions. ~Author Unknown
If we are going to teach 'creation science' as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction. ~Judith Hayes, In God We Trust: But Which One?
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. ~Voltaire
It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin. ~H.L. Mencken
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking forty days to find a place to park. ~Curtis McDougall
An infinite God ought to be able to protect Himself, without going in partnership with State Legislatures. ~Robert Ingersoll, quoted in Ingersoll the Magnificent
Religion supports nobody. It has to be supported. It produces no wheat, no corn; it ploughs no land; it fells no forests. It is a perpetual mendicant. It lives on the labors of others, and then has the arrogance to pretend that it supports the giver. ~Robert G. Ingersoll
Christianity is not a religion; it's an industry. ~Author Unknown
It is an old habit with theologians to beat the living with the bones of the dead. ~Robert G. Ingersoll
Such religion is Churchianity; it is not Christianity. Christianity means the religion where Christ is all; Churchianity, the religion where the Church is all. ~John Cumming, "Salvation," sermon preached before the Queen, 1850 September 22nd
Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense. ~Chapman Cohen
The Church has its problems, but the older I get, the more comfort I find there. ~Bono
None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The records do not show that Adam and Eve were married. ~Ed Howe
In science, "fact" can only mean "confirmed to such a degree that it would be perverse to withhold provisional assent." I suppose that apples might start to rise tomorrow, but the possibility does not merit equal time in physics classrooms. ~Stephen J. Gould
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. ~George Bernard Shaw
Church tax exemption means that we all drop our money in the collection boxes, whether we go to church or not and whether we are interested in the church or not. It is systematic and complete robbery, from which none of us escapes. ~E. Haldeman-Julius, The Church Is a Burden, Not a Benefit, In Social Life
Instead of being born again, why not just grow up? ~Author Unknown
A Christian is a man who feels
Repentance on a Sunday
For what he did on Saturday
And is going to do on Monday.
~Thomas Russell Ybarra, The Christian
A great deal of what passes for current Christianity consists in denouncing other people's vices and faults. ~Henry H. Williams
The point is, could God pass an examination in Theology? ~Malcolm Muggeridge
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. ~Author Unknown
They were allowed to stay there on one condition, and that is that they didn't eat of the tree of knowledge. That has been the condition of the Christian church from then until now. They haven't eaten as yet, as a rule they do not. ~Clarence Darrow
Rivers, ponds, lakes and streams — they all have different names, but they all contain water. Just as religions do — they all contain truths. ~Muhammad Ali
A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain — then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system? ~Robert A. Heinlein
I like to browse in occult bookshops if for no other reason than to refresh my commitment to science. ~Heinz Pagels, The Dreams of Reason
I believe in God, but I'm not too clear on the other details. ~Bill Veeck
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~Dave Barry
If God doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you. ~Author Unknown
No rage is equal to the rage of a contented right-thinking man when he is confronted in the marketplace by an idea which belongs in the pulpit. ~Thurman W. Arnold
Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we're going to separate destinations. ~Martin Terman
The myths about Hades and the gods, though they are pure invention, help to make men virtuous. ~Diodorus Siculus, c. 20 BC
The Bible may be the truth but it's not the whole truth and nothing but the truth. ~Samuel Butler
Religion seems to have a way of making people abandon logic. ~Amanda Baxter, 1998
Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness. It therefore has nothing (as far as I know) to say to people who do not know they have done anything to repent of and who do not feel that they need forgiveness. ~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
God has always resembled his creators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariably found on the side of those in power. ~Robert G. Ingersoll
I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs. ~Frederick Douglass, escaped slave
[A]ll deities reside in the human breast. ~William Blake, "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell"
Strange...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied seventy times seven and invented Hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship him! ~Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger
The biblical account of Noah's Ark and the Flood is perhaps the most implausible story for fundamentalists to defend. Where, for example, while loading his ark, did Noah find penguins and polar bears in Palestine? ~Judith Hayes
Nature wants us to enjoy life to the full and die without giving it a second thought; Christianity wants the opposite. ~Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve, Les Cahiers
Most men would kill the truth if truth would kill their religion. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays
Most people's religion is what they want to believe, not what they do believe. ~Luther Burbank, Why I Am an Infidel
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means. ~George Bernard Shaw
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. ~Fred Allen
It is the position of some theists that their right to freedom of religion is abridged when they are not allowed to violate the rationalists' right to freedom from religion. ~James T. Green
A dogma will thrive in soil where the truth could not get root. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays
Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years with time off for good behavior? ~James Donovan
Faith is never identical with piety. ~Karl Barth
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said 'Stop! don't do it!' 'Why shouldn't I?' he said. I said, 'Well, there's so much to live for!' He said, 'Like what?' I said, 'Well...are you religious or atheist?' He said, 'Religious.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?' He said, 'Christian.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?' He said, 'Protestant.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?' He said, 'Baptist!' I said, 'Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?' He said, 'Baptist church of god!' I said, 'Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?' He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god!' I said, 'Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?' He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!' I said, 'Die, heretic scum,' and pushed him off. ~Emo Phillips
The problem with fundamentalists insisting on a literal interpretation of the Bible is that the meaning of words change. A prime example is 'Spare the rod, spoil the child.' A rod was a stick used by shepherds to guide their sheep to go in the desired direction. Shepherds did not use it to beat their sheep. The proper translation of the saying is 'Give your child guidance, or they will go astray.' It does not mean 'Beat the shit out of your child or he will become rotten' as many fundamentalist parents seem to believe. ~Author Unknown
Most reformers wore rubber boots and stood on glass when God sent a current of Commonsense through the Universe. ~Elbert Hubbard
The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action. ~Albert Einstein
Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God. ~Lennie Bruce, The Essential Lennie Bruce, 1972
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. ~H.L. Mencken
The Virgin Mary was an unwed teenage mother. ~Author Unknown
The Christian Right is neither. ~Author Unknown
"There are no atheists in foxholes" isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes. ~James Morrow
Without cultural sanction, most or all our religious beliefs and rituals would fall into the domain of mental disturbance. ~John F. Schumaker, Corruption of Reality, Unified Theory of Religion, Hypnosis and Psychotherapy
We are punished by our sins, not for them. ~Elbert Hubbard
It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui. ~Helen Keller
If we are going to teach 'creation science' as an alternative to evolution, then we should also teach the stork theory as an alternative to biological reproduction. ~Judith Hayes, In God We Trust: But Which One?
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. ~Voltaire
It is impossible to believe that the same God who permitted His own son to die a bachelor regards celibacy as an actual sin. ~H.L. Mencken
On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking forty days to find a place to park. ~Curtis McDougall
An infinite God ought to be able to protect Himself, without going in partnership with State Legislatures. ~Robert Ingersoll, quoted in Ingersoll the Magnificent
Religion supports nobody. It has to be supported. It produces no wheat, no corn; it ploughs no land; it fells no forests. It is a perpetual mendicant. It lives on the labors of others, and then has the arrogance to pretend that it supports the giver. ~Robert G. Ingersoll
Christianity is not a religion; it's an industry. ~Author Unknown
It is an old habit with theologians to beat the living with the bones of the dead. ~Robert G. Ingersoll
Such religion is Churchianity; it is not Christianity. Christianity means the religion where Christ is all; Churchianity, the religion where the Church is all. ~John Cumming, "Salvation," sermon preached before the Queen, 1850 September 22nd
Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense. ~Chapman Cohen
The Church has its problems, but the older I get, the more comfort I find there. ~Bono
None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The records do not show that Adam and Eve were married. ~Ed Howe
In science, "fact" can only mean "confirmed to such a degree that it would be perverse to withhold provisional assent." I suppose that apples might start to rise tomorrow, but the possibility does not merit equal time in physics classrooms. ~Stephen J. Gould
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. ~George Bernard Shaw
Church tax exemption means that we all drop our money in the collection boxes, whether we go to church or not and whether we are interested in the church or not. It is systematic and complete robbery, from which none of us escapes. ~E. Haldeman-Julius, The Church Is a Burden, Not a Benefit, In Social Life
Instead of being born again, why not just grow up? ~Author Unknown
A Christian is a man who feels
Repentance on a Sunday
For what he did on Saturday
And is going to do on Monday.
~Thomas Russell Ybarra, The Christian
A great deal of what passes for current Christianity consists in denouncing other people's vices and faults. ~Henry H. Williams
The point is, could God pass an examination in Theology? ~Malcolm Muggeridge
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish. ~Author Unknown
They were allowed to stay there on one condition, and that is that they didn't eat of the tree of knowledge. That has been the condition of the Christian church from then until now. They haven't eaten as yet, as a rule they do not. ~Clarence Darrow
Rivers, ponds, lakes and streams — they all have different names, but they all contain water. Just as religions do — they all contain truths. ~Muhammad Ali
A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain — then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system? ~Robert A. Heinlein
I like to browse in occult bookshops if for no other reason than to refresh my commitment to science. ~Heinz Pagels, The Dreams of Reason
I believe in God, but I'm not too clear on the other details. ~Bill Veeck
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. ~Dave Barry
If God doesn't like the way I live, let him tell me, not you. ~Author Unknown
No rage is equal to the rage of a contented right-thinking man when he is confronted in the marketplace by an idea which belongs in the pulpit. ~Thurman W. Arnold
Those people who tell me that I'm going to hell while they are going to heaven somehow make me very glad that we're going to separate destinations. ~Martin Terman
The myths about Hades and the gods, though they are pure invention, help to make men virtuous. ~Diodorus Siculus, c. 20 BC
The Bible may be the truth but it's not the whole truth and nothing but the truth. ~Samuel Butler
Religion seems to have a way of making people abandon logic. ~Amanda Baxter, 1998
Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness. It therefore has nothing (as far as I know) to say to people who do not know they have done anything to repent of and who do not feel that they need forgiveness. ~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
God has always resembled his creators. He hated and loved what they hated and loved and he was invariably found on the side of those in power. ~Robert G. Ingersoll
I prayed for twenty years but received no answer until I prayed with my legs. ~Frederick Douglass, escaped slave
[A]ll deities reside in the human breast. ~William Blake, "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell"
Strange...a God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied seventy times seven and invented Hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship him! ~Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger
The biblical account of Noah's Ark and the Flood is perhaps the most implausible story for fundamentalists to defend. Where, for example, while loading his ark, did Noah find penguins and polar bears in Palestine? ~Judith Hayes
Nature wants us to enjoy life to the full and die without giving it a second thought; Christianity wants the opposite. ~Charles Augustin Sainte-Beuve, Les Cahiers
Most men would kill the truth if truth would kill their religion. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays
Most people's religion is what they want to believe, not what they do believe. ~Luther Burbank, Why I Am an Infidel
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means. ~George Bernard Shaw
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. ~Fred Allen
It is the position of some theists that their right to freedom of religion is abridged when they are not allowed to violate the rationalists' right to freedom from religion. ~James T. Green
A dogma will thrive in soil where the truth could not get root. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays
Where would Christianity be if Jesus got eight to fifteen years with time off for good behavior? ~James Donovan
Faith is never identical with piety. ~Karl Barth
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said 'Stop! don't do it!' 'Why shouldn't I?' he said. I said, 'Well, there's so much to live for!' He said, 'Like what?' I said, 'Well...are you religious or atheist?' He said, 'Religious.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?' He said, 'Christian.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?' He said, 'Protestant.' I said, 'Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?' He said, 'Baptist!' I said, 'Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist church of god or Baptist church of the lord?' He said, 'Baptist church of god!' I said, 'Me too! Are you original Baptist church of god, or are you reformed Baptist church of god?' He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god!' I said, 'Me too! Are you reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?' He said, 'Reformed Baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!' I said, 'Die, heretic scum,' and pushed him off. ~Emo Phillips
The problem with fundamentalists insisting on a literal interpretation of the Bible is that the meaning of words change. A prime example is 'Spare the rod, spoil the child.' A rod was a stick used by shepherds to guide their sheep to go in the desired direction. Shepherds did not use it to beat their sheep. The proper translation of the saying is 'Give your child guidance, or they will go astray.' It does not mean 'Beat the shit out of your child or he will become rotten' as many fundamentalist parents seem to believe. ~Author Unknown
Most reformers wore rubber boots and stood on glass when God sent a current of Commonsense through the Universe. ~Elbert Hubbard
The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action. ~Albert Einstein
Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to God. ~Lennie Bruce, The Essential Lennie Bruce, 1972
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. ~H.L. Mencken
The Virgin Mary was an unwed teenage mother. ~Author Unknown
The Christian Right is neither. ~Author Unknown
"There are no atheists in foxholes" isn't an argument against atheism, it's an argument against foxholes. ~James Morrow
Without cultural sanction, most or all our religious beliefs and rituals would fall into the domain of mental disturbance. ~John F. Schumaker, Corruption of Reality, Unified Theory of Religion, Hypnosis and Psychotherapy
We are punished by our sins, not for them. ~Elbert Hubbard
It is wonderful how much time good people spend fighting the devil. If they would only expend the same amount of energy loving their fellow men, the devil would die in his own tracks of ennui. ~Helen Keller
